Two days behind, and a busy weekend to cover, so brace yourselves.
Wednesday
Wednesday night we had dinner at Taco Bueno, with my sister's family, K-- and N--, and D--. The girls ran amok, we ate cheap Mexican food, and we discussed idle frustrations. Then, in perfect consensus, we all decided not to go to church.
I spent the evening in the office, scanning paperwork to throw away and rearranging the closet so I could store some crates and file folders that had been sitting out next to my desk ever since we swapped the office and the nursery.
That took all night, but it left me with the cleanest-looking office I've had in forever, which is something we did in anticipation of guests living there for a weekend.
Thursday
Thursday I took a late lunch, planning for it to be a little bit of a long one, because I had a training session out at OC for using their online classroom tool, Blackboard. When I double-checked the schedule, though (after I'd left work and gone home to pick up my laptop), I discovered the class was an hour later than I'd thought. So I called in to work, had lunch with T-- at T. G. I. Friday's, and then spent a leisurely afternoon up at the university.
D-- brought us dinner -- Buffalo Wild Wings -- then he headed home relatively early to work on a project for his mom, and T-- and I spent the evening watching TV shows.
Friday
Friday was my RDO, so Friday morning when T-- woke up early to run the garage sale again, I stayed in bed. I finally got up just in time to go grab some Little Caesar's for lunch. I took AB up there with me, and then we ate together while T-- was still manning the sales position outside. A few minutes before one she finally closed the sale down and came in to eat, and I headed out for a haircut.
When I got back home AB was taking a nap, so T-- and I took the opportunity to work out in the garage, cleaning and rearranging all the stuff that had been used for the sale so that we could park both cars in the garage again. Then I brought my XBox and laptop out of the office (in anticipation of it being occupied for the weekend), and played some Magic while T-- napped, and then switched to WoW on my laptop when AB woke up and needed the TV.
The thing about WoW...after being out of the game for six month, none of my characters are specced anymore. "Specced," in this sense, means I haven't spent the skill points acquired through the leveling process to customize them (choosing from among the talents that make your characters the most powerful). It's a complicated process, and an unspecced character is essentially worthless. I've got three characters at 80 (maximum level), and unspecced they're about as tough as 70s. The point of all this is that I logged into WoW Friday night, and discovered that I couldn't really play it. To get my specs right would require literally hours of research into the newest changes to the skill trees and the most effective ways to spec to fit my playstyle. I looked around some, I logged in each of my characters just to see where they were, and then I spent about half an hour mining. That's like logging into WoW to do chores.
So that was sobering and disappointing, after a week I'd spent gradually getting more and more excited about playing WoW again. It was not indicative of my evening, though.
T-- made some fantastic barbecue chicken sandwiches for dinner. We watched some Lie to Me, and then just after we put AB to bed at nine, Julie and Carlos got in from Topeka!
Julie had a boxful of youth group photos (which I just realized I never actually looked through! Ack!), so she and T-- went through those and commented while I chatted with Carlos. They'd also brought with them a couple bottles of wine from their recent trip to Napa, and we managed to empty both of those Friday night.
We got a late start, and though T-- went to bed relatively early (albeit after midnight), the rest of us were up talking until after four.
Saturday
Saturday morning T-- got up early and discovered some of the veggies she'd bought for her special brunch dish had frozen in their drawer, so she had to go buy replacements. She took AB with her, ran up to Homeland, did some shopping, and got back to the house before any of the rest of us woke up. Then she made a goat cheese tart which tempted Carlos and Julie enough to wake them up, but I slept right through it. By all accounts, it was incredible.
I got up around noon, then ran up to McDonalds to grab some lunch for AB and me. I know, so tragic. The chicken sandwich was good, the fries weren't. AB really enjoyed the Lego race car that came with her Happy Meal, though.
Then she went down for a nap, and T-- and Julie went out in the back yard to shoot some cute maternity photos, and I showed off the XBox Magic game to Carlos. Or...used it to bore Carlos. Whatever.
When AB woke up, we all packed into the car and headed up to Guthrie for our big photoshoot. Julie's in the process of becoming a professional photographer (although that "in the process" bit is something you'd have a hard time believing from the quality of her work), and the excuse we'd all used for their trip was to have her come shoot some maternity photos of T-- and some profile photos of me for my website.
T-- had recently found an old trainyard in Guthrie with some old, abandoned-looking buildings nearby that she thought might work as a good backdrop. When we got there, Julie fell instantly in love. She took three hundred photos of the three of us in just a couple hours. The settings were great, the lighting was good, and AB was remarkably cooperative. She and I finally started getting restless as the afternoon wore on, though, and between the two of us we convinced T-- to take a dinner break.
We headed back to town, and took our guests to our new favorite restaurant -- Mama Roja on the lake! So, yeah, that's three times in nine days. What of it? It was fabulous, and everyone left happy.
Julie was able to point out to us the perfect lighting for photography that occurs just around dusk. That is, she was able to point it out through the window next to our booth, because there'd been something of a wait to be seated. So we watched the sun set, and didn't get any more shots on Saturday night.
As soon as we got back to the house, Julie pulled out her laptop and got started editing. While she did that, we played them an episode of Lie to Me, and then T-- regretfully admitted she was too tired to stay up, and she headed to bed.
Carlos and I spent a while talking band stuff, writing stuff, and whatnot. Then we broke into the scotch he'd brought along, and ended up sitting out on the porch sipping scotch and smoking cigars for several hours. Julie put away the laptop for a while to join us. We talked some about old times (as we'd done pretty much constantly up until that point), and then Carlos asked casually if I ever wrote any lyrics.
That became a proposition. He's just started playing bass in a new band, and they perform only original stuff, but they don't have a lot of songs written yet, so he was wondering if I would supply some material. By utter coincidence, I've been thinking much recently about trying my hand at writing songs again. So we talked about what sort of stuff he's looking for and what sort of stuff I can do, and then I brought my laptop out on the porch and he showed me some videos of bands he's been in and I showed him some of my best (and worst) material. When all was said and done, we both ended up incredibly excited about the opportunity to work together.
Then it got cold, and the laptop battery died, and Julie felt the itch to get back to work, so we went back inside. I put on Uncorked (or At Satchem Farm), which neither of them had seen, and fell in love with that movie all over again. Carlos was impressed with the guitar work.
It was after two when the movie ended and we went to bed. An improvement on the night before, but nothing approaching reasonable.
Sunday
Sunday morning T-- and AB went to church, but the rest of us slept through it.
We were all awake by the time she got home, though. She started working on lunch -- her famous Tuscan chicken ring -- and I ran up to the grocery store to grab some soda. By the time I got back, food was on the table.
We ate, and then we had plans to watch Nacho Libre (which our guests had never seen), but while we were waiting for T-- to load the dishwasher I turned on the Rifftrax version of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, just so Julie and Carlos could see how funny it was, and then by common consent we ended up watching all of that.
By the time that was done, Julie was finished with her marathon editing session, and we got to check out the photos on the TV. So good! You can see a bunch of them on T--'s Facebook album. Julie will also do a blog post on her portfolio site sometime soon, and of course I'll provide a link when that happens.
Anyway, we watched a slideshow of all 83 pictures (to a terribly appropriate soundtrack by Sting), and then T-- decided to show Julie how Smugmug works (using my sister's site as an example), so I put on the Cowboys preseason game from Saturday night and watched Romo tear up San Francisco.
I'm so ready for football season.
Around six we started decorating our French bread pizzas for dinner, and as soon as we were done eating we performed a quick costume change, and then headed back out to the lake for another photoshoot -- this one in the prime dusk light. It went really well, and I think AB adored getting to spend so much time outside this weekend. It shows in all her smiles.
After that we drove back home and said lots of goodbyes, then Julie and Carlos got on the road back to Topeka, T-- and I crashed on the couches, and we watched Psych and Leverage and Lie to Me while I tried to play WoW again. This time I focused on my Warlock, specced him on guesses (but I know my Warlock best, so they were probably pretty good guesses), and actually had a lot of fun. I ran a couple dungeons, checked out the new castle-defense battleground (way cool), and then picked up where I'd left off in questing. In that last, I remembered just how great the storyline is in Northrend (the most recent expansion), and I got excited about playing again all over again.
I finally tore myself out of that as midnight crept close, and I lay in bed for another hour before I fell asleep. This morning came too soon, and work with it, but even with the weird hours and the packed schedule, it was an awesome weekend. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Journal Entry: August 26, 2009
Yesterday we had an appointment to go out to a Wells Fargo office on Northwest Expressway and MacArthur to talk about refinancing a couple of our loans that are in a bad way. We'd arranged that appointment last week sometime, when the loan agent cold-called me, and then she called back yesterday morning confirm.
The appointment was for 5:30, so I left work at 4:30, drove half an hour home, picked up T-- and AB, drove half an hour out to the Wells Fargo office, and learned that when she'd run the numbers on the loan (presumably right after our phone call last week), she'd found that we weren't really qualified for anything that would be useful for us. So, in other words, we'd wasted our time. She tried to sell us a new credit card, we said no, and drove half an hour home.
So my evening started at 6:00. I did get a free can of Diet Dr Pepper out of it, though.
We had leftovers for dinner, and I began the process of surrendering my life back to the monster that is World of Warcraft (which is to say, I started copying 12 gigs of data to my new laptop). Then while that ran, I played with AB and read her a couple books.
After she went to bed, we watched Lie to Me. Then we went to bed. It wasn't much of a night. I had fun playing with AB, though.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
The appointment was for 5:30, so I left work at 4:30, drove half an hour home, picked up T-- and AB, drove half an hour out to the Wells Fargo office, and learned that when she'd run the numbers on the loan (presumably right after our phone call last week), she'd found that we weren't really qualified for anything that would be useful for us. So, in other words, we'd wasted our time. She tried to sell us a new credit card, we said no, and drove half an hour home.
So my evening started at 6:00. I did get a free can of Diet Dr Pepper out of it, though.
We had leftovers for dinner, and I began the process of surrendering my life back to the monster that is World of Warcraft (which is to say, I started copying 12 gigs of data to my new laptop). Then while that ran, I played with AB and read her a couple books.
After she went to bed, we watched Lie to Me. Then we went to bed. It wasn't much of a night. I had fun playing with AB, though.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Watching Dreams Die
Another article worth reading.
Some psychologists investigated what it takes to get people (students) to give up on their dream job and pursue some crappy day job to pay the bills.
Some psychologists investigated what it takes to get people (students) to give up on their dream job and pursue some crappy day job to pay the bills.
The Placebo Effect
Found this article through Digg, and thought it was worth sharing.
The headline claims that placebos are getting stronger, but the real situation is a little more complicated than that. Still, it's a great review of the placebo effect in general and a fascinating look at how major pharmaceuticals are addressing it right now.
The headline claims that placebos are getting stronger, but the real situation is a little more complicated than that. Still, it's a great review of the placebo effect in general and a fascinating look at how major pharmaceuticals are addressing it right now.
Journal Entry: August 25, 2009
Shortly after I got home from work yesterday, I was trying to into our bedroom when Pastis felt a sudden, urgent need to get out of it, and she sprinted across my feet to achieve that goal. I had no shoes on, and she had her claws out, and now the big toe on my right foot is shredded.
That, however, is neither here nor there. I had a great night in spite of it.
I took T-- and AB out to dinner at Mama Roja again, and this time we shared the enchilada platter and tried out their complimentary-but-you-have-to-ask-for-it avocado salsa, and both proved delicious.
Then afterward T-- dropped me off at 50 Penn Place for our social writing. I took a seat in the Full Circle Bookstore coffee shop, and got about four hundred words written before D-- showed up. We talked some, and he got started on his short story, and I got back to writing, and got maybe another hundred done before Courtney showed up at eight.
I'm working on a conversation now where both parties come to it thinking they know what the other party is thinking, and both are wrong. I write way too many of those conversations into my stories, and they take a lot of work to get right. Over the course of three hours writing last night, I think I got six hundred words total.
We had some great conversation, though. We talked about the different roles of fantasy and science fiction, about genre conventions in general and the paltry number of authentic plots in specific. Also, D-- suggested rewriting the original Star Wars trilogy as a fantasy series, and we realized it would be the most boring fantasy series in the history of the world.
They kicked us out of Full Circle at nine, so we moved down to the Belle Isle restaurant to carry on our conversation, but they kicked us out of there at ten. We were still talking all the way to the parking lot.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
That, however, is neither here nor there. I had a great night in spite of it.
I took T-- and AB out to dinner at Mama Roja again, and this time we shared the enchilada platter and tried out their complimentary-but-you-have-to-ask-for-it avocado salsa, and both proved delicious.
Then afterward T-- dropped me off at 50 Penn Place for our social writing. I took a seat in the Full Circle Bookstore coffee shop, and got about four hundred words written before D-- showed up. We talked some, and he got started on his short story, and I got back to writing, and got maybe another hundred done before Courtney showed up at eight.
I'm working on a conversation now where both parties come to it thinking they know what the other party is thinking, and both are wrong. I write way too many of those conversations into my stories, and they take a lot of work to get right. Over the course of three hours writing last night, I think I got six hundred words total.
We had some great conversation, though. We talked about the different roles of fantasy and science fiction, about genre conventions in general and the paltry number of authentic plots in specific. Also, D-- suggested rewriting the original Star Wars trilogy as a fantasy series, and we realized it would be the most boring fantasy series in the history of the world.
They kicked us out of Full Circle at nine, so we moved down to the Belle Isle restaurant to carry on our conversation, but they kicked us out of there at ten. We were still talking all the way to the parking lot.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Journal Entry: August 24, 2009
Friday
Friday afternoon I got home in a bad mood from work, walked into the kitchen to pour myself a Coke and after a quick, "Welcome home!" T-- told me a little about her day, and then said, "Oh, and I've got all my stuff ready."
And the words, "Ready for what?" died on my lips. She had a crop Friday night. I'd known about it for a month. I was not in any mood to watch AB, though.
I had about half an hour to change that. Luckily, AB woke up and ran to me with a big, "Daddddy!" that did a lot to make the transition easier. Then right after T-- headed to the church, D-- called and asked if I wanted a snowcone, so that (and his company for the evening) helped a lot, too.
Actually, it ended up being a pretty fun night. We went up to McDonalds so AB could play in the play area, then came back home and I set her up watching videos on T--'s laptop while D-- and I broke out the Rock Band. She'd periodically throw off the headphones to come dance to our music. That was fun.
Then around bedtime I played with her a bit, put her to sleep, and then got back to rocking with D-- until T-- got home. At that point I seriously considered going out and wrecking another weekend with poor decision-making, but somehow overwhelmed that impulse. I watched an episode of Lie to Me with T--, and then went to bed elevenish.
Saturday
Saturday morning I woke up late and mowed the lawn, and suddenly it was 1:00. I had some leftover barbecue and it was as good as new, then poked around on the computer for a few minutes, and then it was time to go.
"Time to go" because we had our second monthly Britton Road writer's group on Saturday. I threw in a bunch of modifiers there, because this was a sequel to our writer's group last month, not to the social writing at the coffee shop last Tuesday. The follow-up to that event takes place tonight, at Full Circle Bookstore, and will likely feature many of the same people who were at the thing on Saturday. I know it's confusing. I'll try to come up with clear distinctions of the two things (or convince both groups to merge them into a seamless whole), but for now, you'll have to wade through explanatory paragraphs like this one.
But, yeah, "time to go" because we had our second monthly Britton Road writer's group on Saturday. Courtney hosted again, and I showed up a few minutes after J. T., and Shawn showed up a few minutes later. We had German Iced Tea, and gave feedback on each others' submitted works. J. T. submitted a couple short-form poems, Courtney submitted a truly chilling short story, and Shawn submitted a one-act play that clocked in right around seven pages. Oh, and I submitted all 200-plus pages of Gods Tomorrow. Don't judge me. That's just who I am.
We had some great discussion, though. We talked about structured writing, and longhand drafts, and early efforts, and then spent about half our time on psychological disorders. We had an expert among us (of the "trained professional" variety, not simply "longtime sufferer"), and we ended up with some really great information.
We were done with that by 4:30, but T-- had taken AB over to my little sister's place, so I had some free time in the afternoon. I spent it playing Magic on the XBox, and pretty much stuck with that until T-- put AB down for bed. Then we watched a little TV, and she went to bed, and I stayed up to play a bunch more Magic on the XBox.
Sunday
Sunday morning T-- took AB to a special event (along with my little sister and her girls). Unwilling to face the adversity that is Christian fellowship without the protective barrier of my perfect little family, I decided to skip church. Around 11:30 I called D-- up, and we headed to Edmond to meet the girls at Jason's Deli for lunch. It was delicious.
Then D-- took me home, and I spent much of the afternoon playing Magic on the XBox. I finally had to put it away when T-- invited my sister's family over for dinner (she grilled hotdogs). While we were waiting for them to show up, I set up the Rock Band stuff, and after a quick dinner we sent the little ones to AB's room to play, and then we spent a couple hours rocking out. That was pretty fun.
After the guests left, T-- and I watched an episode of Psych, and discussed watching something else serious, but we weren't in the mood for serious. It was late, anyway, so we gave up and went to bed.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
Friday afternoon I got home in a bad mood from work, walked into the kitchen to pour myself a Coke and after a quick, "Welcome home!" T-- told me a little about her day, and then said, "Oh, and I've got all my stuff ready."
And the words, "Ready for what?" died on my lips. She had a crop Friday night. I'd known about it for a month. I was not in any mood to watch AB, though.
I had about half an hour to change that. Luckily, AB woke up and ran to me with a big, "Daddddy!" that did a lot to make the transition easier. Then right after T-- headed to the church, D-- called and asked if I wanted a snowcone, so that (and his company for the evening) helped a lot, too.
Actually, it ended up being a pretty fun night. We went up to McDonalds so AB could play in the play area, then came back home and I set her up watching videos on T--'s laptop while D-- and I broke out the Rock Band. She'd periodically throw off the headphones to come dance to our music. That was fun.
Then around bedtime I played with her a bit, put her to sleep, and then got back to rocking with D-- until T-- got home. At that point I seriously considered going out and wrecking another weekend with poor decision-making, but somehow overwhelmed that impulse. I watched an episode of Lie to Me with T--, and then went to bed elevenish.
Saturday
Saturday morning I woke up late and mowed the lawn, and suddenly it was 1:00. I had some leftover barbecue and it was as good as new, then poked around on the computer for a few minutes, and then it was time to go.
"Time to go" because we had our second monthly Britton Road writer's group on Saturday. I threw in a bunch of modifiers there, because this was a sequel to our writer's group last month, not to the social writing at the coffee shop last Tuesday. The follow-up to that event takes place tonight, at Full Circle Bookstore, and will likely feature many of the same people who were at the thing on Saturday. I know it's confusing. I'll try to come up with clear distinctions of the two things (or convince both groups to merge them into a seamless whole), but for now, you'll have to wade through explanatory paragraphs like this one.
But, yeah, "time to go" because we had our second monthly Britton Road writer's group on Saturday. Courtney hosted again, and I showed up a few minutes after J. T., and Shawn showed up a few minutes later. We had German Iced Tea, and gave feedback on each others' submitted works. J. T. submitted a couple short-form poems, Courtney submitted a truly chilling short story, and Shawn submitted a one-act play that clocked in right around seven pages. Oh, and I submitted all 200-plus pages of Gods Tomorrow. Don't judge me. That's just who I am.
We had some great discussion, though. We talked about structured writing, and longhand drafts, and early efforts, and then spent about half our time on psychological disorders. We had an expert among us (of the "trained professional" variety, not simply "longtime sufferer"), and we ended up with some really great information.
We were done with that by 4:30, but T-- had taken AB over to my little sister's place, so I had some free time in the afternoon. I spent it playing Magic on the XBox, and pretty much stuck with that until T-- put AB down for bed. Then we watched a little TV, and she went to bed, and I stayed up to play a bunch more Magic on the XBox.
Sunday
Sunday morning T-- took AB to a special event (along with my little sister and her girls). Unwilling to face the adversity that is Christian fellowship without the protective barrier of my perfect little family, I decided to skip church. Around 11:30 I called D-- up, and we headed to Edmond to meet the girls at Jason's Deli for lunch. It was delicious.
Then D-- took me home, and I spent much of the afternoon playing Magic on the XBox. I finally had to put it away when T-- invited my sister's family over for dinner (she grilled hotdogs). While we were waiting for them to show up, I set up the Rock Band stuff, and after a quick dinner we sent the little ones to AB's room to play, and then we spent a couple hours rocking out. That was pretty fun.
After the guests left, T-- and I watched an episode of Psych, and discussed watching something else serious, but we weren't in the mood for serious. It was late, anyway, so we gave up and went to bed.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Journal Entry: August 21, 2009
Yesterday after work I headed over to the hospital where Toby and Gwyn are staying so T-- and I could see the new baby. There's a new baby! With much tininess! T-- held him, and we talked with Gwyn for a while, but I spent most of my time keeping AB occupied so the girls could talk without too much interruption.
Toby was at home handling emergencies. If he'd been around, I probably wouldn't have been quite so helpful.
Afterward T-- asked if we could go somewhere for Mexican food, and I recommended we hit the new place on Lake Hefner, where Bahama Breeze used to be. Mama Roja.
It is phenomenal.
Probably my new favorite Mexican place. It's not cheap, but the prices are reasonable (ten to twelve bucks for a dinner platter), and the food is amazing. Their salsa is top notch, too, which is probably my highest priority. They provide both a Mexican-style salsa and a Tex-Mex-style salsa as part of the default set-up, and both of them are good. Go there.
After dinner T-- headed to Wal-Mart to do some shopping, so I took AB home. She watched some silly videos on T--'s laptop while I played Magic on the XBox, and we kept that up pretty much until bedtime. Then I took the XBox back into the office to play some more while T-- took care of some stuff on the computer, and then we went back to the living room to watch an episode of Lie to Me.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
Toby was at home handling emergencies. If he'd been around, I probably wouldn't have been quite so helpful.
Afterward T-- asked if we could go somewhere for Mexican food, and I recommended we hit the new place on Lake Hefner, where Bahama Breeze used to be. Mama Roja.
It is phenomenal.
Probably my new favorite Mexican place. It's not cheap, but the prices are reasonable (ten to twelve bucks for a dinner platter), and the food is amazing. Their salsa is top notch, too, which is probably my highest priority. They provide both a Mexican-style salsa and a Tex-Mex-style salsa as part of the default set-up, and both of them are good. Go there.
After dinner T-- headed to Wal-Mart to do some shopping, so I took AB home. She watched some silly videos on T--'s laptop while I played Magic on the XBox, and we kept that up pretty much until bedtime. Then I took the XBox back into the office to play some more while T-- took care of some stuff on the computer, and then we went back to the living room to watch an episode of Lie to Me.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Journal Entry: August 20, 2009
We had our Wednesday night meal yesterday, but K-- was feeling sick so we had to get by without him and N--. My little sister requested barbecue, but we're a pretty picky family when it comes to what barbecue we'll eat, and the only place currently high in our esteem (Steve's Rib) is miles and miles away.
Not far from my little sister's house.
So she graciously offered to pick up a family pack and bring it to our place, and we had an awesome dinner. D-- joined us for that, and after we'd cleared our plates D-- and I got to work unpacking his newly-arrived Rock Band 2 set, including (for the first time) the wireless instruments. I also took another stab at repairing my incredibly cool drum pedal, but didn't end up testing it last night because I wanted to give the glue lots of time to set up.
Anyway, around eight we had everything put together, and then we spent another half hour scrolling through the list of downloadable content sorting the I-love-that-song set from the I-must-have-that-song-right-this-moment set. Then D-- bought all the must-haves, including something by Journey for T--.
Then we played. AB wasn't too happy being excluded and ignored, but it's been nine months since we've really played Rock Band, and we got into it. We did set up the old, wired drum set in front of the TV, lowered down to knee-height, and placed AB's rocking chair in front of it so she could play along with us. That was pretty cute.
But yeah, that was all we did for the rest of the night. Next thing we knew, it was 10:30, and we had to make ourselves quit. Much of the conversation throughout was anticipation of the Beatles Rock Band coming out early next month. That...should be interesting.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
Not far from my little sister's house.
So she graciously offered to pick up a family pack and bring it to our place, and we had an awesome dinner. D-- joined us for that, and after we'd cleared our plates D-- and I got to work unpacking his newly-arrived Rock Band 2 set, including (for the first time) the wireless instruments. I also took another stab at repairing my incredibly cool drum pedal, but didn't end up testing it last night because I wanted to give the glue lots of time to set up.
Anyway, around eight we had everything put together, and then we spent another half hour scrolling through the list of downloadable content sorting the I-love-that-song set from the I-must-have-that-song-right-this-moment set. Then D-- bought all the must-haves, including something by Journey for T--.
Then we played. AB wasn't too happy being excluded and ignored, but it's been nine months since we've really played Rock Band, and we got into it. We did set up the old, wired drum set in front of the TV, lowered down to knee-height, and placed AB's rocking chair in front of it so she could play along with us. That was pretty cute.
But yeah, that was all we did for the rest of the night. Next thing we knew, it was 10:30, and we had to make ourselves quit. Much of the conversation throughout was anticipation of the Beatles Rock Band coming out early next month. That...should be interesting.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Journal Entry: August 18, 2009
It's been a while, so I need to get caught up. If you don't want to read the big long blog post, there's this: We had a garage sale over the weekend, and I caught a cold that lasted somewhere around 36 hours. That's it.
Thursday
Last Thursday night, my little sister came over to help T-- get ready for our garage sale. They spent much of the evening organizing tables and setting out stuff and affixing price stickers. When I got home from work, T-- was working in the garage and asked me to help arrange some stuff, so I spent half an hour or so dragging two sawhorses out into position, brushing off the dust and cobwebs, and then setting up our old window A/C units from the Tulsa house on them.
Those big monstrosities had been obnoxiously taking up space in our garage for most of a year, but we didn't know how to get rid of them, so we were really hoping to sell them in the garage sale. Unfortunately, that meant I had to find some way to move them into position, and that was no small amount of work. Then I spent a little more time getting them presentable before finally wimping out with the old "it's way too hot out here for human survival" bit and going inside.
T-- and my sister followed suit before too long, and we spent most of the rest of the evening in the living room. T-- kept working on getting stuff ready (and I eventually went to my office and gathered some old computer stuff to add at the last minute), and my sister set up ads on Craigslist and Facebook to get more people to come by. It was a long evening in anticipation of Friday.
Friday
Friday morning T-- got up around six to open the garage sale early. I woke up...not nearly so early. I think it was around 7:30, and I got cleaned up then took AB over to Miss Becky's house for some babysitting, then from there drove up to the car dealership in Edmond to have the new car checked out. We'd spent most of the last week noticing a strong antifreeze smell whenever we were in the car, and as it doesn't have any sort of engine temp indicator on the dash, we figured we'd be better off just taking the car in.
I elected to hang out at the dealership while the mechanics looked the car over, and I got nearly a thousand words written in my scribblebook before the guy came by to tell me he didn't smell anything in the car, and a quick check hadn't revealed any leaks, so I could go home.
That was a little frustrating, since it had taken up most of my morning. But I got back to the house and learned that we'd already sold one of the air conditioners. I also found E-- and N-- both there keeping T-- and my sister company and helping them with the garage sale. So that was nice!
I ran up to Wendy's to grab them some lunch, and when I got back I spent some time talking with N-- and playing with baby Jason while we ate, then I had to pack up pretty quickly and head up to OC, because I had some work I needed to take care of and then I needed to pick up AB from Becky's.
At OC I got my parking decal from the security office, then dropped by IT to pick up my laptop. That "dropped by" ended up being an hour-long process, though, because we had to get the laptop set up on the network in two different operating systems and the tech had to walk me through some of the specific software I'll need to be using. It was productive time, but an unexpected delay.
As a result I was a little late picking up AB, but Becky didn't seem to mind. AB sure didn't. She spent the half-hour drive home telling me how much fun she'd had, and how she was not tired and she did not need a nap. Then we got home, and she walked straight to her room and went to bed.
The garage sale was already closed down by then, so I went to the office to play some games while AB napped. Then, as afternoon rolled toward evening, we got in touch with K-- and N-- and invited them over for pizza and preseason football.
The pizza was better than the football. Still, it was fun in a premonitive kind of way. I can't wait for football season to get in full swing. Anyway, K-- and N-- hung around until about half time. For some reason I watched the whole rest of the game after they went home. It kept me up late, and left me utterly disappointed in our third-string defense. Our backup backup quarterback looks surprisingly good, though.
Saturday
Saturday, again, I got up way too early for a day off, but it was still a couple hours later than T-- had gotten up. By way of making amends, I took AB with me and ran up to Panera to buy T-- a cinnamon crunch bagel for breakfast. AB and I shared a bearclaw.
Speaking of AB and me...we both woke up with a cough, and a sore throat. She expressed hers with a gravelly baritone. I expressed mine with much whining.
Anyway, by early afternoon I was already feeling sickly with fever, so I put AB down for a nap and then went to the office to play Fallout and ended up taking a nap of my own. That lasted a little over an hour before my brother-in-law called me up and said he wanted to try playing Magic over Xbox Live, and that turned out to be pretty fun.
I'd made plans to get together with some other people from my writing group at a coffee shop Saturday night, but around five, driving up to Taco Bueno to grab some dinner for T--, I decided with some confidence that it wasn't going to happen. I forgot to call D--, though, so he showed up right after dinner only for me to tell him I was sick, and he should go somewhere else. He went to see The Goods which, he tells me, wasn't.
I spent the evening lying around, then eventually went back to the office to play some more Magic, and while I was doing that my brother-in-law joined in again. Between my afternoon nap and my non-drowsy decongestant, I wasn't close to tired, so we ended up playing until two in the morning. When I finally went to bed, I still couldn't sleep.
Sunday
Sunday morning I woke up around eight when AB jumped up onto the bed next to me, but I just gave her a hug and fell right back to sleep. I woke up again around eleven, and then again around noon when T-- called to tell me they were headed to Olive Garden for lunch. I passed on that opportunity, but a few minutes later K-- called to ask if I could help him hang a swing in his back yard. He had helped immensely when I hung AB's in our yard, so I didn't want to tell him no. I warned him I could be contagious, but he didn't seem too concerned.
So I drove up to Edmond, and learned when I got there that his tallest ladder on its tallest setting was about five feet too short to reach the limb he wanted to hang the swing from. For a moment I thought that meant I had wasted a drive to Edmond, but he quickly set me straight. Instead, it just meant that we had to get creative.
Before everything was said and done we were chucking tethered wrenches over tree limbs twenty feet up and tying nooses. It was a good ol' Sunday afternoon in the midwest. The swings turned out nicely, though, and it really only took a couple hours.
On the drive home I realized I hadn't eaten anything since dinner Thursday, but I really didn't feel hungry. I got to the house and told T-- about hanging the swings and then played with AB a little bit when she woke up from her nap, and then as evening rolled in we started talking about dinner and none of us really had any strong feelings on the matter.
Around seven I called up D-- to ask what he'd had, just for extra ideas, and he said he'd been wrestling with what to eat, too. So I had him come pick me up and we stopped by Homeland to pick up some microwave popcorn for T-- (the choice she finally settled on), and then we drove up to Johnny's for a couple Theta Burgers and fries. That hit the spot.
After dinner D-- went home, and T-- and I watched a little TV before retiring relatively early.
Monday
Monday morning I woke up and felt completely better. Immune-wise, anyway. Obviously I wasn't too thrilled about having to go back to work. Still, it pays the bills.
I spent the day doing excessively boring things, then got home and worked out while T-- and AB were at the grocery store. Afterward we had dinner, and I scheduled another writing-at-the-coffee-shop (I'm calling it social writing) for Tuesday night, hoping I could stay well and a little bit of advance notice would garner a bigger turnout.
T-- made chicken crescent squares for dinner -- one of her specialties -- and after AB went to bed we watched the first episode of Lie to Me. That's one D-- recommended to us months ago, and it was a good recommendation. We really enjoyed it.
Still dragging a bit, we went to bed pretty early Monday night, but didn't get a lot of sleep. A thunderstorm rolled in around two, and that kept AB awake all night, and she kept us awake.
Tuesday
As a result of the long night, I woke up late. T-- and I had already had plans to meet for lunch, so I just called my supervisor and told him to expect me after lunch, and took the morning off. I spent some time in the kitchen putting together my chili fixins for supper, and then got some paperwork taken care of in the office, and then we went up to Schlotzky's for lunch. It wasn't a terribly exciting morning, but it was pretty pleasant.
Then I spent the afternoon at work doing some excruciatingly boring stuff, which was interrupted by an unexpected summons to give a presentation to a packed conference room and try to explain to them the excruciatingly boring stuff I'd been doing.
I survived that, and got out of there just in time to head home. Five minutes into my commute, though -- just as I turned onto I-44 northbound -- I ran into standstill traffic and heard a traffic report explaining that a semi had knocked over a power pole and there were power lines down across the highway about a mile north of where I was, so they'd closed the highway. The recommendation that commuters find an alternate route didn't really do me much good by that point. So instead of half an hour it took me an hour and a half to get home.
My angel of a wife had dinner ready when I walked in the door, though, and it was one of my favorites. D-- joined us for that, too, but then headed home right afterward. T-- and AB went to Hobby Lobby with my little sister, and I headed to the coffee shop for my scheduled social writing.
I'd said it would be seven to ten, but I overestimated the distance from my house, so I actually got there twenty minutes early. That turned out to be a good thing, though, because the place was pretty packed. I snagged a spot, and dragged out my scribblebook, and got nearly a thousand words written before Courtney showed up. A few minutes later Becca showed up, too, and we moved to a newly-free table so they could plug in their laptops.
We didn't really do any writing after that, but it was a fun evening. Becca's been working on her novel for several months now, but it's the first major writing work she's done, and this was our first opportunity to really talk about it. I'd been looking forward to that conversation, but I think it probably went a lot better with Courtney there too, giving another experienced angle. I just hope it wasn't too overwhelming.
Still, the mentoring bit only lasted ten to twenty minutes, and then it was just discussion of all our roadblocks for most of the rest of the evening. Both of them happened to be struggling getting into the heads of their major male characters, and I think I was able to provide some useful insights on that topic. We talked a lot about vampires, too, and psychopaths and sociopaths, and the challenge of writing easy dialog. Writer stuff.
Then around 9:20 the proprietor quite politely kicked us out, so he could go pick up his brother-in-law (returning home from a deployment to Iraq) from the airport. How could we object to that? Before we split up we decided to try another one at 50 Penn Place next Monday, but before that rolls around I've got another official Writer's Group meeting on Saturday.
My life is just too busy. Courtney asked me last night how many projects I'm working on, and after some consideration I believe I have five active, unfinished novels, and five finished ones that need immediate, extensive rewrites. So call that ten big writing projects, with numberless others waiting in the wings.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
Thursday
Last Thursday night, my little sister came over to help T-- get ready for our garage sale. They spent much of the evening organizing tables and setting out stuff and affixing price stickers. When I got home from work, T-- was working in the garage and asked me to help arrange some stuff, so I spent half an hour or so dragging two sawhorses out into position, brushing off the dust and cobwebs, and then setting up our old window A/C units from the Tulsa house on them.
Those big monstrosities had been obnoxiously taking up space in our garage for most of a year, but we didn't know how to get rid of them, so we were really hoping to sell them in the garage sale. Unfortunately, that meant I had to find some way to move them into position, and that was no small amount of work. Then I spent a little more time getting them presentable before finally wimping out with the old "it's way too hot out here for human survival" bit and going inside.
T-- and my sister followed suit before too long, and we spent most of the rest of the evening in the living room. T-- kept working on getting stuff ready (and I eventually went to my office and gathered some old computer stuff to add at the last minute), and my sister set up ads on Craigslist and Facebook to get more people to come by. It was a long evening in anticipation of Friday.
Friday
Friday morning T-- got up around six to open the garage sale early. I woke up...not nearly so early. I think it was around 7:30, and I got cleaned up then took AB over to Miss Becky's house for some babysitting, then from there drove up to the car dealership in Edmond to have the new car checked out. We'd spent most of the last week noticing a strong antifreeze smell whenever we were in the car, and as it doesn't have any sort of engine temp indicator on the dash, we figured we'd be better off just taking the car in.
I elected to hang out at the dealership while the mechanics looked the car over, and I got nearly a thousand words written in my scribblebook before the guy came by to tell me he didn't smell anything in the car, and a quick check hadn't revealed any leaks, so I could go home.
That was a little frustrating, since it had taken up most of my morning. But I got back to the house and learned that we'd already sold one of the air conditioners. I also found E-- and N-- both there keeping T-- and my sister company and helping them with the garage sale. So that was nice!
I ran up to Wendy's to grab them some lunch, and when I got back I spent some time talking with N-- and playing with baby Jason while we ate, then I had to pack up pretty quickly and head up to OC, because I had some work I needed to take care of and then I needed to pick up AB from Becky's.
At OC I got my parking decal from the security office, then dropped by IT to pick up my laptop. That "dropped by" ended up being an hour-long process, though, because we had to get the laptop set up on the network in two different operating systems and the tech had to walk me through some of the specific software I'll need to be using. It was productive time, but an unexpected delay.
As a result I was a little late picking up AB, but Becky didn't seem to mind. AB sure didn't. She spent the half-hour drive home telling me how much fun she'd had, and how she was not tired and she did not need a nap. Then we got home, and she walked straight to her room and went to bed.
The garage sale was already closed down by then, so I went to the office to play some games while AB napped. Then, as afternoon rolled toward evening, we got in touch with K-- and N-- and invited them over for pizza and preseason football.
The pizza was better than the football. Still, it was fun in a premonitive kind of way. I can't wait for football season to get in full swing. Anyway, K-- and N-- hung around until about half time. For some reason I watched the whole rest of the game after they went home. It kept me up late, and left me utterly disappointed in our third-string defense. Our backup backup quarterback looks surprisingly good, though.
Saturday
Saturday, again, I got up way too early for a day off, but it was still a couple hours later than T-- had gotten up. By way of making amends, I took AB with me and ran up to Panera to buy T-- a cinnamon crunch bagel for breakfast. AB and I shared a bearclaw.
Speaking of AB and me...we both woke up with a cough, and a sore throat. She expressed hers with a gravelly baritone. I expressed mine with much whining.
Anyway, by early afternoon I was already feeling sickly with fever, so I put AB down for a nap and then went to the office to play Fallout and ended up taking a nap of my own. That lasted a little over an hour before my brother-in-law called me up and said he wanted to try playing Magic over Xbox Live, and that turned out to be pretty fun.
I'd made plans to get together with some other people from my writing group at a coffee shop Saturday night, but around five, driving up to Taco Bueno to grab some dinner for T--, I decided with some confidence that it wasn't going to happen. I forgot to call D--, though, so he showed up right after dinner only for me to tell him I was sick, and he should go somewhere else. He went to see The Goods which, he tells me, wasn't.
I spent the evening lying around, then eventually went back to the office to play some more Magic, and while I was doing that my brother-in-law joined in again. Between my afternoon nap and my non-drowsy decongestant, I wasn't close to tired, so we ended up playing until two in the morning. When I finally went to bed, I still couldn't sleep.
Sunday
Sunday morning I woke up around eight when AB jumped up onto the bed next to me, but I just gave her a hug and fell right back to sleep. I woke up again around eleven, and then again around noon when T-- called to tell me they were headed to Olive Garden for lunch. I passed on that opportunity, but a few minutes later K-- called to ask if I could help him hang a swing in his back yard. He had helped immensely when I hung AB's in our yard, so I didn't want to tell him no. I warned him I could be contagious, but he didn't seem too concerned.
So I drove up to Edmond, and learned when I got there that his tallest ladder on its tallest setting was about five feet too short to reach the limb he wanted to hang the swing from. For a moment I thought that meant I had wasted a drive to Edmond, but he quickly set me straight. Instead, it just meant that we had to get creative.
Before everything was said and done we were chucking tethered wrenches over tree limbs twenty feet up and tying nooses. It was a good ol' Sunday afternoon in the midwest. The swings turned out nicely, though, and it really only took a couple hours.
On the drive home I realized I hadn't eaten anything since dinner Thursday, but I really didn't feel hungry. I got to the house and told T-- about hanging the swings and then played with AB a little bit when she woke up from her nap, and then as evening rolled in we started talking about dinner and none of us really had any strong feelings on the matter.
Around seven I called up D-- to ask what he'd had, just for extra ideas, and he said he'd been wrestling with what to eat, too. So I had him come pick me up and we stopped by Homeland to pick up some microwave popcorn for T-- (the choice she finally settled on), and then we drove up to Johnny's for a couple Theta Burgers and fries. That hit the spot.
After dinner D-- went home, and T-- and I watched a little TV before retiring relatively early.
Monday
Monday morning I woke up and felt completely better. Immune-wise, anyway. Obviously I wasn't too thrilled about having to go back to work. Still, it pays the bills.
I spent the day doing excessively boring things, then got home and worked out while T-- and AB were at the grocery store. Afterward we had dinner, and I scheduled another writing-at-the-coffee-shop (I'm calling it social writing) for Tuesday night, hoping I could stay well and a little bit of advance notice would garner a bigger turnout.
T-- made chicken crescent squares for dinner -- one of her specialties -- and after AB went to bed we watched the first episode of Lie to Me. That's one D-- recommended to us months ago, and it was a good recommendation. We really enjoyed it.
Still dragging a bit, we went to bed pretty early Monday night, but didn't get a lot of sleep. A thunderstorm rolled in around two, and that kept AB awake all night, and she kept us awake.
Tuesday
As a result of the long night, I woke up late. T-- and I had already had plans to meet for lunch, so I just called my supervisor and told him to expect me after lunch, and took the morning off. I spent some time in the kitchen putting together my chili fixins for supper, and then got some paperwork taken care of in the office, and then we went up to Schlotzky's for lunch. It wasn't a terribly exciting morning, but it was pretty pleasant.
Then I spent the afternoon at work doing some excruciatingly boring stuff, which was interrupted by an unexpected summons to give a presentation to a packed conference room and try to explain to them the excruciatingly boring stuff I'd been doing.
I survived that, and got out of there just in time to head home. Five minutes into my commute, though -- just as I turned onto I-44 northbound -- I ran into standstill traffic and heard a traffic report explaining that a semi had knocked over a power pole and there were power lines down across the highway about a mile north of where I was, so they'd closed the highway. The recommendation that commuters find an alternate route didn't really do me much good by that point. So instead of half an hour it took me an hour and a half to get home.
My angel of a wife had dinner ready when I walked in the door, though, and it was one of my favorites. D-- joined us for that, too, but then headed home right afterward. T-- and AB went to Hobby Lobby with my little sister, and I headed to the coffee shop for my scheduled social writing.
I'd said it would be seven to ten, but I overestimated the distance from my house, so I actually got there twenty minutes early. That turned out to be a good thing, though, because the place was pretty packed. I snagged a spot, and dragged out my scribblebook, and got nearly a thousand words written before Courtney showed up. A few minutes later Becca showed up, too, and we moved to a newly-free table so they could plug in their laptops.
We didn't really do any writing after that, but it was a fun evening. Becca's been working on her novel for several months now, but it's the first major writing work she's done, and this was our first opportunity to really talk about it. I'd been looking forward to that conversation, but I think it probably went a lot better with Courtney there too, giving another experienced angle. I just hope it wasn't too overwhelming.
Still, the mentoring bit only lasted ten to twenty minutes, and then it was just discussion of all our roadblocks for most of the rest of the evening. Both of them happened to be struggling getting into the heads of their major male characters, and I think I was able to provide some useful insights on that topic. We talked a lot about vampires, too, and psychopaths and sociopaths, and the challenge of writing easy dialog. Writer stuff.
Then around 9:20 the proprietor quite politely kicked us out, so he could go pick up his brother-in-law (returning home from a deployment to Iraq) from the airport. How could we object to that? Before we split up we decided to try another one at 50 Penn Place next Monday, but before that rolls around I've got another official Writer's Group meeting on Saturday.
My life is just too busy. Courtney asked me last night how many projects I'm working on, and after some consideration I believe I have five active, unfinished novels, and five finished ones that need immediate, extensive rewrites. So call that ten big writing projects, with numberless others waiting in the wings.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Ghost Targets as Formula Fiction
I've had several conversations with people about my Ghost Targets series, and along the way I've surprised a couple of them by talking about the structure of these novels. Because it's consistent -- it's a known value. I aim for a 60,000 word novel, which is relatively light reading. I try to do fifteen 4,000-word chapters, divided evenly into three "acts": the setup or "teaser," the confrontation, and then the resolution. They're built on the "cop drama" framework, which is pretty much the same as the generic Mystery formula, but without some of the stylistic flourishes you'd expect in a whodunnit.
When I start talking like that -- when I say, "I've got a story idea" and then I immediately know what parts of the plot will fall on which page numbers -- a lot of people get this look of disappointment in their eyes, like somehow I'm playing Mad Gab now instead of actually writing new stories. But, y'know, I've thought about it a lot, and here's my answer to that thinking:
It all depends on what you mean when you say "formula." There's nothing wrong with form, like with the pre-set shape of a haiku, or how Shakespeare's sonnets always conform to one framework (with three quatrains and then a rhyme). The books in Katie's story are the same. The quality is only in the content, not how fresh the font or far between the chapter breaks.
But yes, she lives and solves the crime, and often talks with Door who cannot tell her where he is, but gives the key detail. And...leaves you wanting more.
The coolness lies in character and plot. Forget the frame -- ask is it good, or not?
When I start talking like that -- when I say, "I've got a story idea" and then I immediately know what parts of the plot will fall on which page numbers -- a lot of people get this look of disappointment in their eyes, like somehow I'm playing Mad Gab now instead of actually writing new stories. But, y'know, I've thought about it a lot, and here's my answer to that thinking:
It all depends on what you mean when you say "formula." There's nothing wrong with form, like with the pre-set shape of a haiku, or how Shakespeare's sonnets always conform to one framework (with three quatrains and then a rhyme). The books in Katie's story are the same. The quality is only in the content, not how fresh the font or far between the chapter breaks.
But yes, she lives and solves the crime, and often talks with Door who cannot tell her where he is, but gives the key detail. And...leaves you wanting more.
The coolness lies in character and plot. Forget the frame -- ask is it good, or not?
Journal Entry: August 13, 2009
I've had a Draft email with no recipient sitting in my GMail inbox for a week now. It goes as follows:
It only occurred to me after I'd posted that that I have a bunch of church friends and dear old grannies who follow me on Facebook. So I did what I could to explain what I was getting at, and came up with a clever defense in case somebody challenged me for thinking about such things at all. But nobody did. So I'm manufacturing a setting in which I can share it with you guys.
Anyway, I had a ridiculously and unpleasantly busy day at work yesterday, and so I owe two days worth of diary. Tuesday night D-- came over to hang out, and T-- picked up McDonalds for us for dinner. Then we left AB playing under D--'s watchful eye while T-- and I went out to the garage to start prepping for the garage sale. We boxed up some stuff, moved some stuff around, and then I brought three old, haphazard socket sets into the living room and spent an hour sorting them out so we can sell down to just one.
After that I gave up on being useful for the night and went to the office to play Fallout until my bedtime. Then I loaded up a new Magic: The Gathering game I'd gotten through XBox Live Arcade, just to play for a couple minutes, and ended up playing that until midnight. Ugh.
Then I had to go to work yesterday, and it was awful.
Afterward, D-- rode with us to dinner at Moe's where we met K-- and N--. It was a little chaotic with all of us squeezing around a booth meant for four, but fun! And of course the food was delicious. Then afterward K-- and N-- headed home and we went to grab snow cones before heading to Office Depot, then Hobby Lobby, then a different Office Depot in search of supplies for a project T-- is working on. I spent most of that time trying out a Civilization game on D--'s iPhone, so I had a good time. AB was pretty sick of her car seat by the time we got back to the house, though.
Then we watched some Conan and a little Psych before I headed back to the office to play some more Fallout while T-- did some work on her laptop.
Oh, and then just before I woke up this morning I had an exceedingly odd dream which could best be titled "Drunk-driving Miss Daisy."
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
Well, to be fair, I did solve all crime, most hunger, energy dependence on fossil fuels, voter apathy, predatory lending, and unemployment BEFORE I started working on skanky sluts.That was never actually meant to be an email. It was a reply I had ready for a conversation thread I started on Facebook when I posted the status update "Aaron Pogue is considering the real-world consequences of on-demand real-time modeling of the statistical distribution of sexually adventuresome barflies across a city's club district. Y'know, for my books."
It only occurred to me after I'd posted that that I have a bunch of church friends and dear old grannies who follow me on Facebook. So I did what I could to explain what I was getting at, and came up with a clever defense in case somebody challenged me for thinking about such things at all. But nobody did. So I'm manufacturing a setting in which I can share it with you guys.
Anyway, I had a ridiculously and unpleasantly busy day at work yesterday, and so I owe two days worth of diary. Tuesday night D-- came over to hang out, and T-- picked up McDonalds for us for dinner. Then we left AB playing under D--'s watchful eye while T-- and I went out to the garage to start prepping for the garage sale. We boxed up some stuff, moved some stuff around, and then I brought three old, haphazard socket sets into the living room and spent an hour sorting them out so we can sell down to just one.
After that I gave up on being useful for the night and went to the office to play Fallout until my bedtime. Then I loaded up a new Magic: The Gathering game I'd gotten through XBox Live Arcade, just to play for a couple minutes, and ended up playing that until midnight. Ugh.
Then I had to go to work yesterday, and it was awful.
Afterward, D-- rode with us to dinner at Moe's where we met K-- and N--. It was a little chaotic with all of us squeezing around a booth meant for four, but fun! And of course the food was delicious. Then afterward K-- and N-- headed home and we went to grab snow cones before heading to Office Depot, then Hobby Lobby, then a different Office Depot in search of supplies for a project T-- is working on. I spent most of that time trying out a Civilization game on D--'s iPhone, so I had a good time. AB was pretty sick of her car seat by the time we got back to the house, though.
Then we watched some Conan and a little Psych before I headed back to the office to play some more Fallout while T-- did some work on her laptop.
Oh, and then just before I woke up this morning I had an exceedingly odd dream which could best be titled "Drunk-driving Miss Daisy."
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Journal Entry: August 11, 2009
Yesterday after I got home I worked out for an hour before dinner. T-- made a delicious Mexican casserole, then we watched new episodes of Leverage and Psych while AB played with puzzles.
Before we got started on the TV shows, I dug out the Tech Writing Handbook that Gail has been using for the last couple years, so I divided my time between that and the TV, trying to figure out if I can use it for my class this fall. I'll need to look more closely at her syllabus before I can say for sure, but it's certainly a cool resource.
Anyway, a bit before nine my little sister showed up to take T-- to see Julie and Julia, leaving me to put AB to bed. That was a little bit of a battle, and when she finally went to bed I went to the office and chatted with D-- for a half hour or so, and then I went to bed, too.
So, all told, an evening quickly lost. Then I was up at six and out the door while T-- was still in bed, so I haven't had a chance to find out if she enjoyed the movie. I know she was looking forward to it, though.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
Before we got started on the TV shows, I dug out the Tech Writing Handbook that Gail has been using for the last couple years, so I divided my time between that and the TV, trying to figure out if I can use it for my class this fall. I'll need to look more closely at her syllabus before I can say for sure, but it's certainly a cool resource.
Anyway, a bit before nine my little sister showed up to take T-- to see Julie and Julia, leaving me to put AB to bed. That was a little bit of a battle, and when she finally went to bed I went to the office and chatted with D-- for a half hour or so, and then I went to bed, too.
So, all told, an evening quickly lost. Then I was up at six and out the door while T-- was still in bed, so I haven't had a chance to find out if she enjoyed the movie. I know she was looking forward to it, though.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Journal Entry: August 10, 2009
I really only listen to music when I'm in my car, driving back and forth to work, so I've never developed very refined tastes. For the most part, I listen to hip hop stations. One thing you encounter with pop radio stations like that is a pretty small selection of music with heavy repeats. At any given time, there's probably a library of six to ten hip hop songs getting played on the radio. The turnover is pretty quick, but you're just not going to hear anything from the back catalog.
I've got the presets on my radio ordered by my preference (with the sixth and final preset dedicated to NPR). This morning on the drive in to work a commercial came on my number one station, and I punched all the way through to five before I found music playing. Five happens to be a country station that advertises its selection as "today's top country."
The song on the radio was Alan Jackson's "Chattahoochee," which is a song I really liked back when it first came out seventeen years ago. That's today's top country. I guess they're ruling out Johnny Cash's old stuff, and anything by Hank Williams, Sr.
Still, after that song went off I got to hear one called "God is Great, Beer is Good, and People are Crazy." That one made me smile.
Friday
Last Friday I got off work a little bit early (as I often do on Fridays), so that left me a couple hours at home before I was supposed to head over to B-- and E--'s place. I spent it edging the yard.
See, we've only got an electric weed eater, and it's the cheap sort with the stupid flimsy plastic string that's constantly snapping and requiring field maintenance, so I really only edge the yard about once a year -- when the grass along the front curb is hanging majestically out over the street and providing willowy shade to cars that pass beneath. Then I gear up for an afternoon of edging, and spend forty-five minutes hacking through the trunks of the fescue.
So I did that last Friday. It was hot Friday, and I did this around four in the afternoon, so just all around poor planning. Still, the yard looks pretty good now.
After that I got cleaned up and headed over to B-- and E--'s place, where we discussed dinner plans and (far more important) drinking plans. I floated the idea of some O. G. Diddies (the same vodka, grape, lemonade drink that we all learned to rue last Poker Night), and B-- and E-- were game, so we stopped by the grocery store on our way to pick up the pizza.
The drinks were a hit, the pizza was delicious, and while we were enjoying both, B-- broke out the new Wii Sports Resort. I watched them play some (because I was ravenous), and then when E-- tried throwing a Frisbee, I just had to try it out. I did about as well at that as I would've done in real life (which is to say, very poorly), so that left me impressed with the hardware.
Then I tried out the Samurai Showdown mode of swordfighting, which has you charging into a horde of sword-wielding Miis who surround you and then politely attack you one at a time. In true Samurai-movie fashion, you get to mow them down en masse. So much fun. I wore myself out playing that.
Then I decided to try out the archery mode, and had a lot of fun with that, too. Then B-- challenged me to some pick-up basketball, and I did about as well as you'd expect. That is to say, I lost. Badly. I didn't score a single point. Yay.
After that we turned off the Wii and turned on Tropic Thunder because, even though B-- and E-- had already seen it, they'd always wanted to see it with me. How cool is that? Halfway through I started pointing out that it's really just a remake of The Three Amigos (and, at last, to audience familiar enough with The Three Amigos that they could actually get this), and of course that knowledge blew their minds. Fun stuff.
Anyway, after the movie we spent some time talking, so it was 2:15 before I got home. Somehow I managed not to be a complete idiot RE: consumption of alcohol, but I still didn't feel like going to sleep when I got home, so I stayed up for another hour or two playing Fallout.
Saturday
Saturday morning I woke up at 10:30 and mowed the lawn, which took about twice as long as expected because we've spent most of the last week with high temperatures and heavy rain, so the grass has flourished. Anyway, I got that done, got cleaned up, and somehow it was already time to head to Wichita. I packed in a hurry, cleaned up the house just a little bit so T-- wouldn't have to come home to total chaos, and then ran up to Edmond to pick up my brother-in-law.
I got to drive the new Vue, which was sweet.
On the way north, we listened to the Lonely Island CD, and then spent an hour and a half discussing the premise for Burn Jump, and just how much effort I was going to spend appeasing the fickle interests of general relativity, causation, and basic physics. Conclusion: not much.
We got to T--'s house just after four, and after a happy reunion with wives and baby daughters, we talked with Mom and Dad and the Charboneaus for a while, then headed to the church for "dinner and entertainment."
I rode with Mom and Dad, and we spent most of the drive there discussing social anxiety disorder and specific management techniques. Then we showed up and I almost immediately forgot everything we'd talked about. The fellowship hall was packed, and there were so many half-remembered faces in the crowd, and really all I wanted to do was leave.
Dinner was a catered spread featuring sliced brisket, and as I filed through the line to fill my plate, I talked to four or five old family friends. Then halfway down the table, with my back turned to the tables full of people, I was suddenly overcome. My head started spinning, I couldn't breathe, and I thought for sure I was going to pass out. I did as Dad had suggested, focusing on calming breaths while I made my way to the end of the line, and then discovered that Mom had picked out a table in the far back corner. So that helped a little. By the time I sat down, I felt almost normal again.
That was really the worst of it. Some friends stopped by our table to say hi, and a couple of them sat down with us, but with my sister's family and my parents, we had the table mostly full already. After dinner everyone headed to the auditorium for a special presentation of all the former ministers (which included my Dad). I stayed out in the foyer with my sister and brother-in-law for most of that, though, flipping through some photo albums they'd put out. Most of the pictures were of my time in the youth group, and they were rich with memories. Honestly, those thirty minutes looking through photos made the whole thing worthwhile.
I did finally join Mom and Dad in the auditorium in time for a poorly-conceived Westlink Church of Christ History Jeopardy, which was more entertaining by its floundering than by design. I don't mean that in a mean-spirited way, because the hosts took it all in stride, and Gary (the pulpit minister for as long as I've known Westlink) has always had a charming knack for laughing off little mistakes.
When we got in the car to head home Dad asked me about my experience, and I mentioned how much I'd enjoyed looking through the photos, because I have such a poor memory of my time in high school. On a whim, he offered to drive by the old school (it being just a mile out of the way). I'd done that a few times on my visits to the west side of town, but I'd never thought to actually turn onto the campus. Dad did, and by some strange fortune the gates were actually open so we could drive right up to the school.
As I've discussed social anxiety more and more recently, the question has often come up of when I first started struggling with it. And, as I've mentioned before, I don't have a good answer. That brief tour Saturday night, though, confirmed suspicion it was firmly in place by high school. As we approached the building, I remember thinking, "Oh, it's weird how familiar this all is!" And then as we got to the point where you'd actually turn toward the parking places, pick a spot, and then go in to classes, I was suddenly overwhelmed. Worse than when I was standing in line at church, I felt a crushing weight on my chest and my vision darkened. My heart started racing, as Dad casually swung past the parking spaces, up to the curb, and then turned back toward the exit.
Halfway there, after we'd left all the buildings behind, I finally found enough air to say weakly, "Oh, that was weird." I paused for a moment, collected my thoughts, and then tried to explain to them what it had felt like. Mom and Dad are both trained counselors now, so they were interested and able to offer insight. Dad said I'd encounter that other places, too, because physical places tended to have strong emotional memory associated with them. That was easily the worst I'd ever experienced, though.
Still, by the time we turned onto Tyler and left the campus behind, I felt fine.
Sunday
Sunday morning T-- woke up early and took AB up to church for the pre-class coffee and donuts, figuring that she should be there for that since she'd skipped dinner Saturday night. I stayed home, slept in, and went with the Charboneaus in time for service at 10:30.
The service was a pretty good one, with some fantastic song-leading and a true-to-form emotional sermon from Gary. Afterward they had a big balloon release in memory of the Westlink family members who had gone on before. We'd intended to skip that, slip away during the confusion and have a quiet little family lunch, but when my sister went to get the little ones out of kids' church, she got trapped in the crowd. And when I went in search of my errant sister, I did too. That turned out to be a lucky break, though, because I got to see Kelly Sullivan there. She's a Mackey now, and I keep track of her on Facebook, but it was still nice to see an old friend. I also spoke with Serena Dawson and Loni Jo Butler and Steve Hutchins on Saturday night, and that's pretty much it for other youth group alumni. Everybody else was family friends.
Anyway, after that we slipped away during the confusion, and had a quiet little family lunch at Carlos O'Kelly's. Then Mom and Dad headed home, and my sister and her family came back to OKC, and T-- and I ran to her parents' place to get packed up and then we followed shortly after. We got home around five, order a pizza, and spent the evening on the couch, getting caught up with work on our laptops while AB played with puzzles and watched Shrek for the first time.
It was a busy weekend. Good, though. Better than I expected.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
I've got the presets on my radio ordered by my preference (with the sixth and final preset dedicated to NPR). This morning on the drive in to work a commercial came on my number one station, and I punched all the way through to five before I found music playing. Five happens to be a country station that advertises its selection as "today's top country."
The song on the radio was Alan Jackson's "Chattahoochee," which is a song I really liked back when it first came out seventeen years ago. That's today's top country. I guess they're ruling out Johnny Cash's old stuff, and anything by Hank Williams, Sr.
Still, after that song went off I got to hear one called "God is Great, Beer is Good, and People are Crazy." That one made me smile.
Friday
Last Friday I got off work a little bit early (as I often do on Fridays), so that left me a couple hours at home before I was supposed to head over to B-- and E--'s place. I spent it edging the yard.
See, we've only got an electric weed eater, and it's the cheap sort with the stupid flimsy plastic string that's constantly snapping and requiring field maintenance, so I really only edge the yard about once a year -- when the grass along the front curb is hanging majestically out over the street and providing willowy shade to cars that pass beneath. Then I gear up for an afternoon of edging, and spend forty-five minutes hacking through the trunks of the fescue.
So I did that last Friday. It was hot Friday, and I did this around four in the afternoon, so just all around poor planning. Still, the yard looks pretty good now.
After that I got cleaned up and headed over to B-- and E--'s place, where we discussed dinner plans and (far more important) drinking plans. I floated the idea of some O. G. Diddies (the same vodka, grape, lemonade drink that we all learned to rue last Poker Night), and B-- and E-- were game, so we stopped by the grocery store on our way to pick up the pizza.
The drinks were a hit, the pizza was delicious, and while we were enjoying both, B-- broke out the new Wii Sports Resort. I watched them play some (because I was ravenous), and then when E-- tried throwing a Frisbee, I just had to try it out. I did about as well at that as I would've done in real life (which is to say, very poorly), so that left me impressed with the hardware.
Then I tried out the Samurai Showdown mode of swordfighting, which has you charging into a horde of sword-wielding Miis who surround you and then politely attack you one at a time. In true Samurai-movie fashion, you get to mow them down en masse. So much fun. I wore myself out playing that.
Then I decided to try out the archery mode, and had a lot of fun with that, too. Then B-- challenged me to some pick-up basketball, and I did about as well as you'd expect. That is to say, I lost. Badly. I didn't score a single point. Yay.
After that we turned off the Wii and turned on Tropic Thunder because, even though B-- and E-- had already seen it, they'd always wanted to see it with me. How cool is that? Halfway through I started pointing out that it's really just a remake of The Three Amigos (and, at last, to audience familiar enough with The Three Amigos that they could actually get this), and of course that knowledge blew their minds. Fun stuff.
Anyway, after the movie we spent some time talking, so it was 2:15 before I got home. Somehow I managed not to be a complete idiot RE: consumption of alcohol, but I still didn't feel like going to sleep when I got home, so I stayed up for another hour or two playing Fallout.
Saturday
Saturday morning I woke up at 10:30 and mowed the lawn, which took about twice as long as expected because we've spent most of the last week with high temperatures and heavy rain, so the grass has flourished. Anyway, I got that done, got cleaned up, and somehow it was already time to head to Wichita. I packed in a hurry, cleaned up the house just a little bit so T-- wouldn't have to come home to total chaos, and then ran up to Edmond to pick up my brother-in-law.
I got to drive the new Vue, which was sweet.
On the way north, we listened to the Lonely Island CD, and then spent an hour and a half discussing the premise for Burn Jump, and just how much effort I was going to spend appeasing the fickle interests of general relativity, causation, and basic physics. Conclusion: not much.
We got to T--'s house just after four, and after a happy reunion with wives and baby daughters, we talked with Mom and Dad and the Charboneaus for a while, then headed to the church for "dinner and entertainment."
I rode with Mom and Dad, and we spent most of the drive there discussing social anxiety disorder and specific management techniques. Then we showed up and I almost immediately forgot everything we'd talked about. The fellowship hall was packed, and there were so many half-remembered faces in the crowd, and really all I wanted to do was leave.
Dinner was a catered spread featuring sliced brisket, and as I filed through the line to fill my plate, I talked to four or five old family friends. Then halfway down the table, with my back turned to the tables full of people, I was suddenly overcome. My head started spinning, I couldn't breathe, and I thought for sure I was going to pass out. I did as Dad had suggested, focusing on calming breaths while I made my way to the end of the line, and then discovered that Mom had picked out a table in the far back corner. So that helped a little. By the time I sat down, I felt almost normal again.
That was really the worst of it. Some friends stopped by our table to say hi, and a couple of them sat down with us, but with my sister's family and my parents, we had the table mostly full already. After dinner everyone headed to the auditorium for a special presentation of all the former ministers (which included my Dad). I stayed out in the foyer with my sister and brother-in-law for most of that, though, flipping through some photo albums they'd put out. Most of the pictures were of my time in the youth group, and they were rich with memories. Honestly, those thirty minutes looking through photos made the whole thing worthwhile.
I did finally join Mom and Dad in the auditorium in time for a poorly-conceived Westlink Church of Christ History Jeopardy, which was more entertaining by its floundering than by design. I don't mean that in a mean-spirited way, because the hosts took it all in stride, and Gary (the pulpit minister for as long as I've known Westlink) has always had a charming knack for laughing off little mistakes.
When we got in the car to head home Dad asked me about my experience, and I mentioned how much I'd enjoyed looking through the photos, because I have such a poor memory of my time in high school. On a whim, he offered to drive by the old school (it being just a mile out of the way). I'd done that a few times on my visits to the west side of town, but I'd never thought to actually turn onto the campus. Dad did, and by some strange fortune the gates were actually open so we could drive right up to the school.
As I've discussed social anxiety more and more recently, the question has often come up of when I first started struggling with it. And, as I've mentioned before, I don't have a good answer. That brief tour Saturday night, though, confirmed suspicion it was firmly in place by high school. As we approached the building, I remember thinking, "Oh, it's weird how familiar this all is!" And then as we got to the point where you'd actually turn toward the parking places, pick a spot, and then go in to classes, I was suddenly overwhelmed. Worse than when I was standing in line at church, I felt a crushing weight on my chest and my vision darkened. My heart started racing, as Dad casually swung past the parking spaces, up to the curb, and then turned back toward the exit.
Halfway there, after we'd left all the buildings behind, I finally found enough air to say weakly, "Oh, that was weird." I paused for a moment, collected my thoughts, and then tried to explain to them what it had felt like. Mom and Dad are both trained counselors now, so they were interested and able to offer insight. Dad said I'd encounter that other places, too, because physical places tended to have strong emotional memory associated with them. That was easily the worst I'd ever experienced, though.
Still, by the time we turned onto Tyler and left the campus behind, I felt fine.
Sunday
Sunday morning T-- woke up early and took AB up to church for the pre-class coffee and donuts, figuring that she should be there for that since she'd skipped dinner Saturday night. I stayed home, slept in, and went with the Charboneaus in time for service at 10:30.
The service was a pretty good one, with some fantastic song-leading and a true-to-form emotional sermon from Gary. Afterward they had a big balloon release in memory of the Westlink family members who had gone on before. We'd intended to skip that, slip away during the confusion and have a quiet little family lunch, but when my sister went to get the little ones out of kids' church, she got trapped in the crowd. And when I went in search of my errant sister, I did too. That turned out to be a lucky break, though, because I got to see Kelly Sullivan there. She's a Mackey now, and I keep track of her on Facebook, but it was still nice to see an old friend. I also spoke with Serena Dawson and Loni Jo Butler and Steve Hutchins on Saturday night, and that's pretty much it for other youth group alumni. Everybody else was family friends.
Anyway, after that we slipped away during the confusion, and had a quiet little family lunch at Carlos O'Kelly's. Then Mom and Dad headed home, and my sister and her family came back to OKC, and T-- and I ran to her parents' place to get packed up and then we followed shortly after. We got home around five, order a pizza, and spent the evening on the couch, getting caught up with work on our laptops while AB played with puzzles and watched Shrek for the first time.
It was a busy weekend. Good, though. Better than I expected.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Sinful Saint (a poem)
I've heard you --
full of spirit, right with God --
In reverence and deep humility
Say, "I am just a sinful child
Made clean by God's good love."
I've heard you whisper hope to hurt
and help to those in need.
I've seen you shine
and shape the world
with faith.
But life is long
and comfort short
and sharp the Tempter's sting.
So time to time you'll trip and fall,
or turn and walk away.
Time to time you'll come to earth
and leave Heaven behind.
Time to time you'll gutter
let your flame almost go out.
And then you tremble, full of fear so far from God.
But I am not afraid.
I'm not ashamed, I'm not surprised.
From time to time you fall, as do we all.
But nothing you could do --
no angry word, no selfish choice, no foolish indiscretion --
There's nothing in your power to make untrue
The words you knew with confidence before.
From time to time, from day to day,
No matter where along your way
The best and worst you'll ever say
Is "I am just a sinful child
Made clean by God's good love."
Don't be surprised. Don't be ashamed.
Don't ever be afraid.
Your God forgives, and that is why you call him Lord.
full of spirit, right with God --
In reverence and deep humility
Say, "I am just a sinful child
Made clean by God's good love."
I've heard you whisper hope to hurt
and help to those in need.
I've seen you shine
and shape the world
with faith.
But life is long
and comfort short
and sharp the Tempter's sting.
So time to time you'll trip and fall,
or turn and walk away.
Time to time you'll come to earth
and leave Heaven behind.
Time to time you'll gutter
let your flame almost go out.
And then you tremble, full of fear so far from God.
But I am not afraid.
I'm not ashamed, I'm not surprised.
From time to time you fall, as do we all.
But nothing you could do --
no angry word, no selfish choice, no foolish indiscretion --
There's nothing in your power to make untrue
The words you knew with confidence before.
From time to time, from day to day,
No matter where along your way
The best and worst you'll ever say
Is "I am just a sinful child
Made clean by God's good love."
Don't be surprised. Don't be ashamed.
Don't ever be afraid.
Your God forgives, and that is why you call him Lord.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Journal Entry: August 7, 2009
Yesterday, for the first time this week, I came home and worked out instead of taking a nap (even though I really felt like taking a nap). And, would you believe it, yesterday for the first time this week I actually felt better.
D-- brought over dinner from BWW, and we watched an episode of Dexter, then he started reading on his iPhone and I started playing Fallout and we pretty much did that for the rest of the evening. I turned on some movies as background noise, and we got through Joe Dirt, Drillbit Taylor, and Step Brothers. All were good for laughs, and I finished the first chapter of the Wasteland Survival Guide.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
D-- brought over dinner from BWW, and we watched an episode of Dexter, then he started reading on his iPhone and I started playing Fallout and we pretty much did that for the rest of the evening. I turned on some movies as background noise, and we got through Joe Dirt, Drillbit Taylor, and Step Brothers. All were good for laughs, and I finished the first chapter of the Wasteland Survival Guide.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Journal Entry: August 6, 2009
In both of my last two blog posts I commented on being mysteriously ill, without once considering that the symptoms matched up to precisely the things I was talking about in my Social Anxiety post on Monday. It took T-- to spot it. When I was complaining yesterday at lunch, she asked if I thought it had anything to do with the trip to Wichita this weekend. And I, of course, immediately felt dumb for not recognizing it.
Knowing what's wrong doesn't actually make me feel any better, but at least I can stop worrying that I've got the SARS.
Yesterday was a busy day. I met T-- and AB for lunch at Mazzio's, then after work I played Hi-Ho Cherry-Oh with AB and watched some PBS programming with her, and then my little sister showed up with her SUV so we could install AB's car seat in it.
Then we all went up to Subway for dinner, where we were met by D-- and K-- and N--. T-- and I both had the Philly Cheesesteak (which they now offer without peppers and onions, yee). It was delicious. Then I said goodbye to T-- and AB, they climbed in my sister's car, and five girls headed to Wichita to get an early start on things.
I took my brother-in-law home, and then went back to the house where D-- was waiting for me. We talked about our old fantasy project, resurrecting it from oblivion in a couple hours' discussion, and then we watched Iron Man, because that's a thing that must be done from time to time.
Then D-- went home, and I went to bed to not sleep.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
Knowing what's wrong doesn't actually make me feel any better, but at least I can stop worrying that I've got the SARS.
Yesterday was a busy day. I met T-- and AB for lunch at Mazzio's, then after work I played Hi-Ho Cherry-Oh with AB and watched some PBS programming with her, and then my little sister showed up with her SUV so we could install AB's car seat in it.
Then we all went up to Subway for dinner, where we were met by D-- and K-- and N--. T-- and I both had the Philly Cheesesteak (which they now offer without peppers and onions, yee). It was delicious. Then I said goodbye to T-- and AB, they climbed in my sister's car, and five girls headed to Wichita to get an early start on things.
I took my brother-in-law home, and then went back to the house where D-- was waiting for me. We talked about our old fantasy project, resurrecting it from oblivion in a couple hours' discussion, and then we watched Iron Man, because that's a thing that must be done from time to time.
Then D-- went home, and I went to bed to not sleep.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Journal Entry: August 5, 2009
I spent most of yesterday feeling sickly again -- transparent, as I said last week. I got home from work and went to the room and crashed. T-- woke me up around 6:30 for dinner, and then afterward I went to the office to play some Fallout while T-- watched Pride and Prejudice again.
A little after nine I went to bed to read, and got through a couple chapters before T-- got tired and turned off her lamp, but I found myself entirely unable to sleep. My mind was racing, and after laying there in the dark for half an hour I got up and went to my office. I read some, I played some Fallout, and I finally went back to bed after midnight, but I still couldn't fall asleep.
It was a restless night, and now I've got another day of being see-through.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
A little after nine I went to bed to read, and got through a couple chapters before T-- got tired and turned off her lamp, but I found myself entirely unable to sleep. My mind was racing, and after laying there in the dark for half an hour I got up and went to my office. I read some, I played some Fallout, and I finally went back to bed after midnight, but I still couldn't fall asleep.
It was a restless night, and now I've got another day of being see-through.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Journal Entry: August 4, 2009
Last night I came home from work and played with AB instead of working out. Partly that was because I'm such an awesome dad, but mostly it was because we had uncertain plans for the evening that could have started as early as 5:30.
Specifically, we expected D--'s mom to stop by on her way back to Wichita, and maybe or maybe not have dinner with us. D-- called sometime before six and told us she'd decided to just go on home, but he offered to bring us dinner anyway, and showed up a little bit later with Little Caesar's.
I spent most of the rest of the evening half-heartedly reading The Darkness that Comes Before while we watched Elf and Dude, Where's My Car?
I know, I know, but it was better than it sounds. Actually, it was a really pleasant evening.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
Specifically, we expected D--'s mom to stop by on her way back to Wichita, and maybe or maybe not have dinner with us. D-- called sometime before six and told us she'd decided to just go on home, but he offered to bring us dinner anyway, and showed up a little bit later with Little Caesar's.
I spent most of the rest of the evening half-heartedly reading The Darkness that Comes Before while we watched Elf and Dude, Where's My Car?
I know, I know, but it was better than it sounds. Actually, it was a really pleasant evening.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Social Anxiety
I woke up this morning with grand plans for a blog post all about the role of vampires in fantasy literature. I spent much of the morning thinking about it, composing, and then over lunch something happened. As I was leaving the restaurant, a small group went out ahead of me: three grown men, and a young boy. He couldn't have been older than six, but as the four of them crossed the parking lot he was joking with the others, carrying on an effortless conversation in the most natural way.
As I got in my car, I realized with a shock that I could remember that. I'd been that boy, years and years and years ago.
Sometime in the last couple years, I've started using the phrase "social anxiety." It's become a tag for my blog posts, it's become an excuse for missing social events, and it's become a lot of misunderstanding. I imagine it's become a little tiresome, too. I've made an effort to be open and honest about it -- sharing as much of myself as I can to those people who've earned some explanation. The last time I tried, someone asked me if I could remember when it started, but my memory failed me. Seeing that little boy outside Buffalo Wild Wings reminded me of a life I'd lived before social anxiety, though. And then I realized that, even though very few of my friends have experienced life with social anxiety, I've experienced life without it. That gives me a touchstone, if nothing else.
I know a handful of extroverts, but the one who stands out most in my mind is Brent Lightsey, a fellow in our small group at church. He's so outgoing, so anxious to meet new people and make them feel at ease. It's clear anytime you're around him that he takes energy from that interaction and delights in everyone he meets. Social encounters really make his day.
I know a lot of introverts, too, and I'm certainly one myself. When it comes to introverts, social encounters are draining. It takes effort to be friendly, even with people you like, and when the social experience is over, an introvert needs a little time alone to get back up to speed. Then there's the person with social anxiety. When it comes to real anxiety, it's not just draining. It's not just uncomfortable. Social encounters make me feel like I'm dying.
That's not an exaggeration, not hyperbole to get your attention. If you want some corroboration, go look up the symptoms of an anxiety attack. They come in varying degrees of intensity, but even moderate anxiety attacks are often mistaken for heart attacks -- to the extent that a person's first anxiety attack almost always takes him to the emergency room. You can't catch your breath, and you feel like you're about to throw up. Tension builds in your chest until it aches, and often your heart races until you can feel your pulse pounding in your ears. Your limbs go weak without warning, and if it's bad enough you find yourself unable to focus your eyes, to maintain a train of thought.
That's not shyness. Shy doesn't send you to the hospital. That's not being an introvert. That's not antisocial, either, because it has nothing to do with your attitude, with your intentions, with how much you like the person you're talking to. It's a physical response, not an intellectual one.
That's not Asperger's, either. There are people who are incapable of normal human interaction, either because they fundamentally cannot understand other people or because they haven't developed basic social skills. That's not my problem. I'm not the most charismatic guy in the room, but I can play my part. I can make friends, I can charm, I can be the life of the party.* It's just that, for days beforehand and days after, I'm crippled by the physical toll of it.
If you've been reading this blog, you've probably noticed I've been talking a lot about Courtney in the last month. Courtney is arguably the first new friend I've made in seven years, and part of the reason that actually happened is because we have so much in common. Courtney and I are both writers. We've both been writers since high school. We're both long-time fans of the fantasy genre, and of sci-fi, and just basically both huge nerds. We're both multi-lingual, fascinated with linguistics, and interested in all the languages of Man. We both went through the same degree program at OC -- just a couple years apart. We were both in the Honors program. We both grew up in the same faith. We're both monarchists.
After our writer's group last month I stuck around to talk with Courtney some, to share stories about our lives. We've exchanged novels and shared fantastic feedback and discussion. We've compared music and movies and favorite authors, and we've read each other's blogs in all their verbose monstrosity. It's fair to say we're real friends at this point.
And then last Wednesday night, in the four-minute break between class and service, I caught Courtney to comment on her novel and borrow a book she'd recommended. We stood in the aisle between two rows of pews, and discussed some of the same sort of things we've exchanged (literally) hundreds of pages of digital communication on, and I spent the whole time feeling ill.
The topics were things I was perfectly comfortable with, so a sane part of my mind carried on the conversation, but at the same time another part of my brain was screaming in frantic panic, trying to figure out what to do. "What am I going to say when she stops talking? Am I going to sound like an idiot?"Neither one of those was a problem -- that other part of my brain was responding casually, easily, but the irrational fear was there anyway. "How long are we supposed to stand here talking? When is the bell going to ring? Are we in people's way? Should I be talking to Jeff? What about Nicki? I just got up and left them in the pew. How am I going to wrap up this conversation? What can I say to get out of it? Maybe I should just run away. I'd look like an idiot. But I look like an idiot now, right? What am I going to say? What am I going to do?" All of it a screaming fury that I had to pretend wasn't there.
And all of it absurd. Don't feel bad if you laughed at any of that, because it's ridiculous. The moment the bell rang and Courtney said, "Oh, I guess we should sit down," it was gone. All of that frantic panic. All of the thoughts that had gone with it. But it's not just the fleeting nature of the experience that tells me it's false. I can find the words, I can identify the specific fears, and I recognize them as totally baseless. I do know what to say next. I'm fairly confident I don't sound like an idiot (because people keep wanting to talk to me). I even know how to wrap up a conversation. To me, that frantic voice has to be a manufactured expression of something physical. Something more primitive, and outside of my reason.
It happens every time I talk to anyone, though. I described my encounter with Courtney so you could see the absurdity of it, because we have so much in common, and that social encounter was predicated entirely on the things we have in common. True, she's a new friend, but I feel the same thing when I find myself in a one-on-one conversation with Kris, or even Dan. I've been friends with Dan for as long as I've been me. I experience the same thing when I call up Trish to ask her if she could pick up some Dr Pepper while she's at the store, or anytime I walk into my boss's office to talk about work.
It's fleeting. Minutes after that conversation with Courtney I was better -- albeit a little bit ashamed -- and that's the way these things go. The physical symptoms that went with it were maybe a little difficulty breathing, maybe a little pain in my chest, but nothing you'd really be surprised by. The full anxiety attack usually grows out of big events: a long weekend spent with family, a Halloween party with our small groups, a writer's group where I'm going to do a lot of talking.
If I see it coming, that panic starts a long, long time before I ever lock eyes with anyone. It messes with my sleep schedule, sometimes for weeks. It messes up my appetite for days beforehand, and hits me with real nausea all day the day of. In the hours before the event, I often find myself wandering around aimlessly, unable to concentrate on anything at all. I'll usually lie down somewhere dark and quiet, and tell myself it's just an anxiety attack -- it'll be over soon enough -- and mostly I just try to breathe.
Then when it's over the let-down is almost as bad. There's almost always a severe headache from the sudden disappearance of all that stress. I can never sleep the night after, with the sickening rush of adrenaline still in my system, and usually I still feel sick to my stomach, too, after days of irregular appetite. The worst of it, though, is the real shame that comes from realizing how much of the last few days (and weeks, and months) I've spent agonizing over something so trivial.
That's social anxiety. In case you were curious.
* references available upon request
As I got in my car, I realized with a shock that I could remember that. I'd been that boy, years and years and years ago.
Sometime in the last couple years, I've started using the phrase "social anxiety." It's become a tag for my blog posts, it's become an excuse for missing social events, and it's become a lot of misunderstanding. I imagine it's become a little tiresome, too. I've made an effort to be open and honest about it -- sharing as much of myself as I can to those people who've earned some explanation. The last time I tried, someone asked me if I could remember when it started, but my memory failed me. Seeing that little boy outside Buffalo Wild Wings reminded me of a life I'd lived before social anxiety, though. And then I realized that, even though very few of my friends have experienced life with social anxiety, I've experienced life without it. That gives me a touchstone, if nothing else.
I know a handful of extroverts, but the one who stands out most in my mind is Brent Lightsey, a fellow in our small group at church. He's so outgoing, so anxious to meet new people and make them feel at ease. It's clear anytime you're around him that he takes energy from that interaction and delights in everyone he meets. Social encounters really make his day.
I know a lot of introverts, too, and I'm certainly one myself. When it comes to introverts, social encounters are draining. It takes effort to be friendly, even with people you like, and when the social experience is over, an introvert needs a little time alone to get back up to speed. Then there's the person with social anxiety. When it comes to real anxiety, it's not just draining. It's not just uncomfortable. Social encounters make me feel like I'm dying.
That's not an exaggeration, not hyperbole to get your attention. If you want some corroboration, go look up the symptoms of an anxiety attack. They come in varying degrees of intensity, but even moderate anxiety attacks are often mistaken for heart attacks -- to the extent that a person's first anxiety attack almost always takes him to the emergency room. You can't catch your breath, and you feel like you're about to throw up. Tension builds in your chest until it aches, and often your heart races until you can feel your pulse pounding in your ears. Your limbs go weak without warning, and if it's bad enough you find yourself unable to focus your eyes, to maintain a train of thought.
That's not shyness. Shy doesn't send you to the hospital. That's not being an introvert. That's not antisocial, either, because it has nothing to do with your attitude, with your intentions, with how much you like the person you're talking to. It's a physical response, not an intellectual one.
That's not Asperger's, either. There are people who are incapable of normal human interaction, either because they fundamentally cannot understand other people or because they haven't developed basic social skills. That's not my problem. I'm not the most charismatic guy in the room, but I can play my part. I can make friends, I can charm, I can be the life of the party.* It's just that, for days beforehand and days after, I'm crippled by the physical toll of it.
If you've been reading this blog, you've probably noticed I've been talking a lot about Courtney in the last month. Courtney is arguably the first new friend I've made in seven years, and part of the reason that actually happened is because we have so much in common. Courtney and I are both writers. We've both been writers since high school. We're both long-time fans of the fantasy genre, and of sci-fi, and just basically both huge nerds. We're both multi-lingual, fascinated with linguistics, and interested in all the languages of Man. We both went through the same degree program at OC -- just a couple years apart. We were both in the Honors program. We both grew up in the same faith. We're both monarchists.
After our writer's group last month I stuck around to talk with Courtney some, to share stories about our lives. We've exchanged novels and shared fantastic feedback and discussion. We've compared music and movies and favorite authors, and we've read each other's blogs in all their verbose monstrosity. It's fair to say we're real friends at this point.
And then last Wednesday night, in the four-minute break between class and service, I caught Courtney to comment on her novel and borrow a book she'd recommended. We stood in the aisle between two rows of pews, and discussed some of the same sort of things we've exchanged (literally) hundreds of pages of digital communication on, and I spent the whole time feeling ill.
The topics were things I was perfectly comfortable with, so a sane part of my mind carried on the conversation, but at the same time another part of my brain was screaming in frantic panic, trying to figure out what to do. "What am I going to say when she stops talking? Am I going to sound like an idiot?"Neither one of those was a problem -- that other part of my brain was responding casually, easily, but the irrational fear was there anyway. "How long are we supposed to stand here talking? When is the bell going to ring? Are we in people's way? Should I be talking to Jeff? What about Nicki? I just got up and left them in the pew. How am I going to wrap up this conversation? What can I say to get out of it? Maybe I should just run away. I'd look like an idiot. But I look like an idiot now, right? What am I going to say? What am I going to do?" All of it a screaming fury that I had to pretend wasn't there.
And all of it absurd. Don't feel bad if you laughed at any of that, because it's ridiculous. The moment the bell rang and Courtney said, "Oh, I guess we should sit down," it was gone. All of that frantic panic. All of the thoughts that had gone with it. But it's not just the fleeting nature of the experience that tells me it's false. I can find the words, I can identify the specific fears, and I recognize them as totally baseless. I do know what to say next. I'm fairly confident I don't sound like an idiot (because people keep wanting to talk to me). I even know how to wrap up a conversation. To me, that frantic voice has to be a manufactured expression of something physical. Something more primitive, and outside of my reason.
It happens every time I talk to anyone, though. I described my encounter with Courtney so you could see the absurdity of it, because we have so much in common, and that social encounter was predicated entirely on the things we have in common. True, she's a new friend, but I feel the same thing when I find myself in a one-on-one conversation with Kris, or even Dan. I've been friends with Dan for as long as I've been me. I experience the same thing when I call up Trish to ask her if she could pick up some Dr Pepper while she's at the store, or anytime I walk into my boss's office to talk about work.
It's fleeting. Minutes after that conversation with Courtney I was better -- albeit a little bit ashamed -- and that's the way these things go. The physical symptoms that went with it were maybe a little difficulty breathing, maybe a little pain in my chest, but nothing you'd really be surprised by. The full anxiety attack usually grows out of big events: a long weekend spent with family, a Halloween party with our small groups, a writer's group where I'm going to do a lot of talking.
If I see it coming, that panic starts a long, long time before I ever lock eyes with anyone. It messes with my sleep schedule, sometimes for weeks. It messes up my appetite for days beforehand, and hits me with real nausea all day the day of. In the hours before the event, I often find myself wandering around aimlessly, unable to concentrate on anything at all. I'll usually lie down somewhere dark and quiet, and tell myself it's just an anxiety attack -- it'll be over soon enough -- and mostly I just try to breathe.
Then when it's over the let-down is almost as bad. There's almost always a severe headache from the sudden disappearance of all that stress. I can never sleep the night after, with the sickening rush of adrenaline still in my system, and usually I still feel sick to my stomach, too, after days of irregular appetite. The worst of it, though, is the real shame that comes from realizing how much of the last few days (and weeks, and months) I've spent agonizing over something so trivial.
That's social anxiety. In case you were curious.
* references available upon request
Journal Entry: August 3, 2009
Friday
Last Friday I got to work to find an email from the Deputy Secretary of Transportation encouraging all FAA managers and supervisors to support a (highly symbolic) DOT Telework Day. Any employees who wanted to were encouraged to try out telework (that is to say, working from home), in the hopes of more permanent adoption.
We got that email on Friday, when 2/3 of the office was out on RDO (including, I should point out, all the managers and supervisors). DOT Telework Day is today. That was the least useful Department-wide memo ever sent.
Anyway, contractors are not allowed to telework, so it never would've mattered to me. Still, bummer.
I got home from work a little early on Friday, which gave me time to work out before heading out to our July Poker Night. (Yep -- just barely slipped that one in). My sister let us use her place again, and D-- and K-- both made it. D-- brought with him ingredients for a vodka cocktail called the "O. G. Diddy," and after his clumsy attempts to make it I took over bartending and we all found the drink remarkably good. So remarkable, in fact, that it directed the fortunes of all our evenings (and most of our mornings on Saturday, too).
We defied nomenclature and played Rock Band for a couple hours, until someone's wild thrashing brought the XBox crashing off its shelf and engraved the Rock Band disc with a shiny silver line that rendered it worthless. Instead of being concerned, we probably laughed hysterically. It was that kind of night.
Then we played poker for two hours and watched Mean Girls. After that, a little bit past midnight, my little sister drove us all home. I stayed up for a bit playing Fallout and hydrating, and cursing myself for making the same fool mistake two weeks in a row.
Saturday
Saturday morning saw me awake a bit before nine, and I killed a couple hours working on the computer and playing with AB. Then, half past noon, we headed to Edmond for my niece's birthday party.
That was at McDonalds, and we had family from Dallas up to visit, as well as my dad and brother-in-law (with all his little ones) from Little Rock. The party was two hours in an enclosed play area with, what, ten kids under ten-years-old. It was a lot of noise, with echoes. I gather from more reliable sources that it was a lovely party for a four-year-old. So I'll leave it at that.
Afterward T-- took AB to go swimming with the rest of the party guests, but I went back home for a nap. Ended up playing Fallout instead, but it was just as recuperative. T-- brought AB home for a late nap, and when she woke up we headed back to Edmond for dinner at my sister's house. There was pizza for all, and movies for the little ones. Dad got started watching The Incredibles, which he'd never seen before, and found he actually liked it.
Halfway through the movie, I had to leave to head over to K-- and N--'s place so they could go watch Harry Potter. Dad came with me, tearing himself away from the movie, but he was gratified to learn when we arrived that K-- had a copy of it, too. They put the baby down to sleep, then headed to the movie, and all I had to do for the night was be there in case of emergency (and, of course, there was none).
While we waited, Dad got out his laptop and I borrowed N--'s, and we watched The Incredibles and talked about getting published. Dad talked me into querying a new literary agent who's specializing in science fiction and fantasy, and I talked him into starting a blog. We spent much of the next three hours doing the tedious work necessary to follow through on those ideas.
Then one o'clock rolled around and K-- and N-- rolled home, and we got their quick opinion on the movie and then headed home to get some sleep.
Sunday
Sunday morning we woke up late enough to skip Bible class but early en0ugh to grab donuts on the way to service. Or, as I like to call it, "the magic hour."
I delivered unto Courtney her marked-up manuscript, then hastily took our seats before service started. We ended up filling the row with family, when my sister brought all hers and the brother-in-law with his, and N-- had to sit in the row behind us.
Afterward, the whole family went to P. F. Chang's for lunch, which was a mess. I'm just saying, that's a lot of little kids. It was awesome as always, though. Then we said goodbyes in the parking lot, and the Little Rock folks headed home, and we took AB home for a nap, and then...I guess I spent the afternoon playing Fallout.
That game has to come to an end at some point, but I don't see it happening anytime soon. That's okay, I didn't really want to get a book finished this month anyway.
We'd decided on the way home from lunch that we wanted to have dinner at the newly-opened Freddy's on north Penn., so as six o'clock rolled around, we called D-- and K-- and N-- to see if anyone of them wanted to join us, and they all said yes. When we got to the restaurant, I heard a woman call out my name just inside the door, and we turned to find our stylist, Karen, there with her friends. She got to meet AB for the first time, and T-- and I both got to fight down the urge to introduce her to D--. Then she went back to her booth, and we went to ours, and we had phenomenal cheesesteaks for supper.
And frozen custard for dessert.
And then when we got home we had just time to watch an episode of Leverage, and then put AB to bed, and then it was bedtime for us, too. We read for a while, and gradually drifted off to sleep.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
Last Friday I got to work to find an email from the Deputy Secretary of Transportation encouraging all FAA managers and supervisors to support a (highly symbolic) DOT Telework Day. Any employees who wanted to were encouraged to try out telework (that is to say, working from home), in the hopes of more permanent adoption.
We got that email on Friday, when 2/3 of the office was out on RDO (including, I should point out, all the managers and supervisors). DOT Telework Day is today. That was the least useful Department-wide memo ever sent.
Anyway, contractors are not allowed to telework, so it never would've mattered to me. Still, bummer.
I got home from work a little early on Friday, which gave me time to work out before heading out to our July Poker Night. (Yep -- just barely slipped that one in). My sister let us use her place again, and D-- and K-- both made it. D-- brought with him ingredients for a vodka cocktail called the "O. G. Diddy," and after his clumsy attempts to make it I took over bartending and we all found the drink remarkably good. So remarkable, in fact, that it directed the fortunes of all our evenings (and most of our mornings on Saturday, too).
We defied nomenclature and played Rock Band for a couple hours, until someone's wild thrashing brought the XBox crashing off its shelf and engraved the Rock Band disc with a shiny silver line that rendered it worthless. Instead of being concerned, we probably laughed hysterically. It was that kind of night.
Then we played poker for two hours and watched Mean Girls. After that, a little bit past midnight, my little sister drove us all home. I stayed up for a bit playing Fallout and hydrating, and cursing myself for making the same fool mistake two weeks in a row.
Saturday
Saturday morning saw me awake a bit before nine, and I killed a couple hours working on the computer and playing with AB. Then, half past noon, we headed to Edmond for my niece's birthday party.
That was at McDonalds, and we had family from Dallas up to visit, as well as my dad and brother-in-law (with all his little ones) from Little Rock. The party was two hours in an enclosed play area with, what, ten kids under ten-years-old. It was a lot of noise, with echoes. I gather from more reliable sources that it was a lovely party for a four-year-old. So I'll leave it at that.
Afterward T-- took AB to go swimming with the rest of the party guests, but I went back home for a nap. Ended up playing Fallout instead, but it was just as recuperative. T-- brought AB home for a late nap, and when she woke up we headed back to Edmond for dinner at my sister's house. There was pizza for all, and movies for the little ones. Dad got started watching The Incredibles, which he'd never seen before, and found he actually liked it.
Halfway through the movie, I had to leave to head over to K-- and N--'s place so they could go watch Harry Potter. Dad came with me, tearing himself away from the movie, but he was gratified to learn when we arrived that K-- had a copy of it, too. They put the baby down to sleep, then headed to the movie, and all I had to do for the night was be there in case of emergency (and, of course, there was none).
While we waited, Dad got out his laptop and I borrowed N--'s, and we watched The Incredibles and talked about getting published. Dad talked me into querying a new literary agent who's specializing in science fiction and fantasy, and I talked him into starting a blog. We spent much of the next three hours doing the tedious work necessary to follow through on those ideas.
Then one o'clock rolled around and K-- and N-- rolled home, and we got their quick opinion on the movie and then headed home to get some sleep.
Sunday
Sunday morning we woke up late enough to skip Bible class but early en0ugh to grab donuts on the way to service. Or, as I like to call it, "the magic hour."
I delivered unto Courtney her marked-up manuscript, then hastily took our seats before service started. We ended up filling the row with family, when my sister brought all hers and the brother-in-law with his, and N-- had to sit in the row behind us.
Afterward, the whole family went to P. F. Chang's for lunch, which was a mess. I'm just saying, that's a lot of little kids. It was awesome as always, though. Then we said goodbyes in the parking lot, and the Little Rock folks headed home, and we took AB home for a nap, and then...I guess I spent the afternoon playing Fallout.
That game has to come to an end at some point, but I don't see it happening anytime soon. That's okay, I didn't really want to get a book finished this month anyway.
We'd decided on the way home from lunch that we wanted to have dinner at the newly-opened Freddy's on north Penn., so as six o'clock rolled around, we called D-- and K-- and N-- to see if anyone of them wanted to join us, and they all said yes. When we got to the restaurant, I heard a woman call out my name just inside the door, and we turned to find our stylist, Karen, there with her friends. She got to meet AB for the first time, and T-- and I both got to fight down the urge to introduce her to D--. Then she went back to her booth, and we went to ours, and we had phenomenal cheesesteaks for supper.
And frozen custard for dessert.
And then when we got home we had just time to watch an episode of Leverage, and then put AB to bed, and then it was bedtime for us, too. We read for a while, and gradually drifted off to sleep.
Other than that, it's just things and stuff.
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